I Know 1,000 Things Not to Do

Thomas Edison after 1,000 failing attempts at making a light bulb was asked, "Have you learned anything?" He responded, "I know 1,000 things not to do."

Today's blog is in that frame of mind, what not to do ~ when writing! So many times we want to learn what to do, but often we can do much more in what we don't do, learning from other peoples mistakes if you will. Also having a name to go with what you are doing puts a much clearer light on the matter. So with that said here are five things to stay clear of, and inspiration for avoiding them.

Also note the links (book and movie titles...) within the blog for more detailed information.

Numaro five, Dry Dialog. Sometimes in writing it's easy to fall into writing as you would speak rather than writing for your characters and everything starts sounding like the same monotone drone. Make sure that each character has it's own voice. Take a moment from a favorite book or movie, and study and or write the dialog of a character. Many times it helps to see what is being said in order to emulate it. Do some characters speak in long winded~nervous sentences~like the maniacal madness of Edgar Allan Poe's narrators? Does the character speak in slang or metaphors? Is the character somewhat self indulgent? AND ~ What does the circumstance call for? I always liked in Star Wars when Princess Leia told Hans Solo (self indulgent, self centered~Solo) "I love you." and the impromptu line, "I know." This dialog came about when they had shot the scene multiple times and everyone was dissatisfied with the out of character dialog of Han Solo saying, "I love you too." Over and over they shot the scene and hated it, felling something was wrong with it. Then out of frustration they were told to basically do whatever they wanted. The line was so repetitive, redundant and rehearsed that on hearing Carrie Fisher say, "I love you." that Harrison Ford said the now famous line, "I know." Being perfect for what the character Han Solo would say.

Numaro four, A Rotten Fish. I will say this almost tongue in cheek, but breath life into Your World. Write and rewrite and then re-rewrite if need be. Make sure that what you're writing has a hook to draw the reader in. Create a world that is heart pounding, captivating, and alluring. A world that has sustenance, and edifies the imagination by stirring the senses, "By Intention, Mention the Senses." Use all five senses to bring life to the world your characters live in. What do they hear, what do they feel~is it cold/hot... what do they see, and so on. Another way of breathing life into your world is to put some non-fiction - in your fiction; a little bit of Barnum's humbug if you will. Take something that the reader already has a full understanding and fear of and add a pinch of newt's eye. I say all this to inspire, simply said, inspire your reader. I don't know how many times I have gone into a second hand store and picked up a book of fiction, read the first few sentences; to judge a book not on it's cover, but it's opening lines, and was left with the feeling of a cold fish hand shake. You know that person that shakes your hand with a cold and slimy limp hand feeling more like a rotten fish than a friendly greeting? The world you write of is as much a character as those with any other part in your story, don't let it go unknown. I have ALWAYS been a huge fan-atic of Ray Bradbury's work and his ability to draw you in from the moment you open the book. I will leave this here for your enjoyment, Fahrenheit 451, Something Wicked This Way Comes~click the link and for the Amazon page you have to click on the cover pic to open it, "Look Inside"...

Number three, Gum Drops. Life for the characters are care free, worry free, and everything is handed to them on a silver platter, the story sucks rotten eggs with the pungent smell of ammonia, setting off a gag reflex that makes you want to vomit ~The End.  Alfred Hitchcock said, "Always make the audience suffer as much as possible," He also said, " There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it." There is no better time to start than right from the get go when it comes to alluding, and baiting your reader. It's nothing to be feared as a writer. I know of several stories where the protagonist and antagonist sit down in the same bar unbeknownst to the other, and I never get tired of it. You know something is about to hit the fan in a catastrophic way! From Dusk Til Dawn I like how George Clooney is so jealous in this scene and his outburst at the end, Desperado a cheesy piece of cinema but entertaining none the less, and last but not least is a true masterpiece of cinematic perfection, that never stops for a second with the tension between characters~ Tombstone.

Number two, Throwing Guns, In the 1950's tv series, The Adventure of Superman, I remember as a kid watching this daily~in reruns, I'm not that old!!! B) and even as a kid I picked up on the inconsistencies of the character Superman. He would be face to face with the bad guys and they would be shooting at him till they were out of bullets and in a desperate act of defiance they would throw their guns at Superman and every time he would make the effort to dodge the guns thrown at him.  I always found the idea of taking the brunt force of the bullets and dodging the guns so funny even as a kid. Make sure you stay true to your characters. Write up a character sheet like it was a role playing game so you can spin off situations and ideas that are accurate to the characters strengths, weaknesses, and motivations for who they are. For your viewing pleasure, The Adventures of Superman and Throwing Guns. Also, a very in depth look at making a Character Sheet.

And now, here it is, here it comes, NUMBER ONE!!! ~Always loved listening to The Doctor D. Mento Show. Anyhoo, at number one of the things not to do in your writing, Please Leave a Message and I Will Get Back to You Shortly. Don't leave the reader wanting to contact you with unanswered questions. Nothing in all the world is more annoying to a reader that devotes countless hours to read a story and have the answer to the all important question unanswered. This is not to say that all questions must be answered, and I will come back to that, but answers of character development, of who done it, of who ends up with the Maltese Falcon, of who wins the heart of the fair maiden... However, there are McGuffins, things that the reader doesn't really care about or for that matter need to know. They are simply a means to tell a story. For instance, the money in Psycho, (SPOILER ALERT) the Maltese Falcon~We have to know who ends up with it and why everyone no longer looks for it. That is what the story is about. However we don't need to know who started the rumor of the worthless lump of led being some priceless jeweled antiquity. We don't need to know if it is a door stop in Rick's Place. The story is in its finality when it is discovered once and for all that no one wants it. That all the killing and betrayal was for nothing other than the greed of man; chasing rainbows for an easy fortune and "Happiness" that ends up being anything but...

That's all I have to say about that. Take it to heart and may it inspire you. In the next blog I will be returning to The X-Files and one episode that I didn't particularly like, and an in depth look to why!

Toklotox Forluna Tansikna Wun Yoleeblah Morlee & Morlee Itox Ithno Yoleeblah Inx Youloth Crunum Wonnay. With that said, "Sleep with one eye open and have a 'Horrific' day." B)